Solidarity Is a Skill

The Myth of the Natural Ally

We are often told that solidarity is a feeling: a warm, spontaneous sense of connection with those who suffer. We assume that if we share an identity or an enemy, we will naturally know how to protect one another.

But as I learned in the trenches of my own survival, solidarity is not a feeling; it is a skill. It is a muscle that must be trained.

In the Survival Wing, I found that the people who saved me were often strangers who had practiced the discipline of showing up. Conversely, the people who betrayed me were often “natural allies” who lacked the skill to navigate fear.

Solidarity is the difficult, often unglamorous work of aligning your safety with someone else’s, even when, especially when, it is inconvenient or dangerous. History has shown us the real peril and promise in such alliances. For example, during the American civil rights movement, white allies marching with Black activists faced significant risks, including violence and arrest. Yet, their presence was crucial in amplifying the movement’s impact. The reciprocal risk of aligning safety can turn vulnerability into strength, transforming abstract ethos into undeniable stakes.

1. Coalition-Building Across Differences: The Trap of Purity

The Architecture of Control relies on fragmentation. It stays in power by convincing the white worker that the migrant is their enemy, and the cisgender feminist that the trans woman is a threat. To make this more tangible, consider the historical tactic of using racial divisions to thwart labor strikes, where employers would pit white workers against Black workers to weaken collective bargaining power. To break this, we must build coalitions that are stronger than the divisions manufactured by the Market for Division.

• The Lesson of the “Comparative Playbook”: History teaches us that ideological purity is a strategic error. The most successful movements engaged in “transactional, temporary alliances” to achieve specific goals.
• No Hierarchy of Oppressions: As Audre Lorde articulated, we “cannot afford the luxury of fighting one form of oppression only” because we do not live single-issue lives. A coalition built only on “women’s rights” that excludes Black women or trans women creates a structural weakness that the opposition will exploit.
• Solidarity, Not Charity: True coalition building requires a shift from “vertical” charity (giving down to the needy) to “horizontal” solidarity (sharing risks among peers).
• I have been on the receiving end of both, and they do not feel alike.
• Charity arrived as a rescue and left the arrangement exactly as it was. Solidarity arrived as a blister pack of tablets handed to me in a car park by another trans woman who did not want anything from me except that I keep breathing. Nobody asked for money. What they asked for was a reading. Are you checking your liver function? How are your levels? Don’t die on us, Jua. Charity preserves the distance between the giver and the given-to; solidarity abolishes it by admitting that the person handing over the box is one shipment away from needing one.

2. How Harm Happens Inside Movements (and How to Reduce It)

The most painful lesson of the Work of Hope is that shared oppression does not guarantee shared kindness. Trauma does not always ennoble us; sometimes, it makes us dangerous to one another.

• Lateral Violence: When it is too dangerous to strike the oppressor, we often strike the person standing next to us. This is “externalized oppression.” I experienced this when Bianca, a friend I physically rescued from an overdose, later turned on me and weaponized my trans identity to save her own social standing. She kicked down because she couldn’t kick up.
• The question for our movements is not whether lateral violence will happen; it is whether we can recognize it as the system’s ricochet and refuse to let it finish the oppressor’s work.
• The “Fair-Weather Ally”: Many people offer support when it costs them nothing. But when the Architecture of Control applies pressure through social stigma or professional risk, they retreat. I saw this with the Director who supported me until I asserted my rights, at which point he immediately misgendered me.
• Reducing Harm through Structure: We cannot rely on “good vibes” to prevent harm. We need Community Accountability Processes (CAPs).
• The Principle: We must build systems to address abuse within our movements without calling the police (who often reproduce violence).
• The Practice: This involves pre-negotiated agreements for handling conflict. It requires “calling in” rather than “calling out”: inviting a person to change their behavior while keeping them connected to the community, rather than disposing of them.

3. Practice: “Solidarity Habits” (How to Show Up Reliably)

If solidarity is a skill, it is composed of repeatable habits. We must move from being “allies” (a label) to being “accomplices” (an action).

Habit 1: Access Intimacy (The Thirdspace of Care)

• The Concept: Borrowed from Disability Justice (Mia Mingus), this is the “elusive, hard-to-describe feeling” when someone understands your access needs without you having to explain or apologize for them.
• The Action: Do not wait for the vulnerable person to ask for safety. Anticipate it. If you are organizing a meeting, ensure it is wheelchair accessible and virtually available before anyone asks. If you are walking with a trans friend, scan the room for threats so they don’t have to. Build a Thirdspace where their body is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be accommodated.

Habit 2: The Witness Function

• The Concept: When institutions inflict Administrative Violence, they rely on isolation. The presence of a witness disrupts this power.
• The Action: Be the person who goes to the appointment. When I faced the medical tribunal at Steve Biko Hospital, I was terrified. But my friend JL showed up just to sit in the waiting room. She didn’t have medical expertise; she had presence. She signaled to the institution: This person is not alone. If you hurt her, I will know.

Habit 3: The “Graveyard of Arguments”

• The Concept: Sustainability requires conflict resolution. Movements die when we let interpersonal grievances fester into permanent rifts.
• The Action: Adopt the Graveyard of Arguments pact I made with my wife, Amber. Agree that conflict is inevitable, but disposal is not. Commit to resolving the issue or “burying” it so that the relationship can survive the disagreement.

The Work of Hope Practice: The Solidarity Audit

Goal: To move your relationships from “social” to “structural,” identifying who is actually in your Survival Wing and where you need to build capacity.

The Exercise: Draw a series of concentric circles.

1. The Center (The Anchor)

• Who is the person you call when the hospital, the police, or the bank freezes your life? (e.g., Amber, who held the “Diamond Shield” for me).
• Action: If this space is empty, your first political act is to find one person to build a “pact of protection” with.

2. The Middle Ring (The Network)

• Who do you show up for? List three people whose safety you are actively invested in.
• The Audit: Do you know their access needs? Do you know their “red lines” for safety?
• Action: Ask them this week: “If you were in a crisis involving the state or your health, what is the specific thing you would need me to do?” (e.g., “Film the police,” “Pick up my kids,” “Call my lawyer”).

3. The Outer Ring (The Coalition)

• Who are you allied with that you do not personally like or agree with?
• The Audit: If everyone in your coalition looks like you, votes like you, and agrees with you, you do not have a coalition; you have a social club.
• Action: Identify one group (e.g., a labor union, a faith group, a tenant association) that shares a material interest with you (e.g., housing costs) but differs culturally. Attend one of their public meetings, not to teach, but to listen.

Reflection: Reliability is the antidote to terror. We cannot stop the Slow Coup alone. We stop it by becoming the infrastructure that the state refuses to provide.